I am a human woman who used to be fat, so I am now funny.
I am into the arts, so I can show you some underground theatre, live music, and improv.
I like alcohol, like any reasonable person, so I can show you the best places to drink it.
I'll also take you to places that are outside, but don't suck.
If you have children, I'll get along with them more than you - it's nothing personal, though.